7 Habits of The Socially Retarded Clockmaker
by Elise the Writing Desk
Summary: Julius can make cute things with clock. And he loves, more than anything, crushing cute things with his sledge hammer. Alice, unfortunately, will save any cute things from her husband's insane hobby. Though, his manic obsession wasn't the only shenanigans Alice has to deal with. No matter how they tried to ignore each other, they couldn't just leave each other alone. AU.


**7 Habits of The Socially Retarded Clockmaker  
**_December 3rd 2014_  
by Elise the Writing Desk, Characters by QuinRose

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1\. He doesn't talk

Your husband doesn't want sex. He doesn't acknowledge your existance. He doesn't eat your cooking. He doesn't even speak to you.

Alice was married to air.

And by air she meant Julius Monrey, her childhood 'adversary'.

"Breakfast time," Alice announced gently as she intrude his room as usual. Whenever she entered his room, he's always working on some clocks. Today, he's using the wider table to make what appeared to be a cuckoo-clock.

"IT'S TWELVE O'CLOCK YOU PUNK ASS!"

She almost dropped the tray when Mr. T's head got out of the clock's hole and yelled the time. Julius crossed his arms, unimpressed. Alice on the other hand, was completely astonished. Having that cuckoo clock would be awesome! She'd show that to Boris Airay, her friend from college. It'd be a perfect birthday gift—

CRASH!

"Eeeeeh!?" Alice whined when Julius just mercilessly crashed that clock with a sledge hammer. "Why did you do that!? Poor Mr. T...! That clock was amazing! I mean, if you didn't want it, I would've taken it!"

Julius ignored her and wiped the remnants off his table before getting new planks to work on a new clock. Alice sighed, staring at the destroyed clock in the trash bag. She sighed, went to collect the old tray which was still filled with food from other day and replaced it with the new one. She took the trash bag and set a new one, and left her husband's room.

"Kids~!" Alice called. "I got food~!" she announced in the kitchen, dumping the trash bag to the incinerator just outside the window.

By kids, she meant a cat and two dogs which were running right away to her call. Alice giggled and began to share the ration to her 'kids'.

"Here, Tama, you love tuna, don't you?"

"Meow,"

"Hanatamago, with peas and eggs,"

"Arf!"

"Pochi, no onion, the way you like it."

"Woof!"

Alice squatted to watch her pets eat. Seriously, if she wasn't allowed to bring her pets, she wouldn't bother marrying Julius. There was no love between them. It was all business. She'll do the responsibilities of a wife, Julius could ignore her, and they could live in peace.

And the servants had to hide to cry everytime they watched the young wife.

"Miss Alice is so sad...She's doomed to marry such an irritating social retard..."

"...She even considers her pets as children...!"

~.X.~

Today, Alice had a friend visiting, Boris. It's been a while since they last saw each other. Boris was working in an amusement park, his dream job. He's an engineer for the rides. They loved anime and movies. Sometimes they discussed about the meaning of life.

"You're telling me, you've been married to him for three months, and he's never even spoke to you?" Boris twitched, almost slipping his cup of coffee.

"I told you," Alice shrugged, sipping her tea. She liked coffee, but she's just in the mood for chamomile today. Sometimes she couldn't sleep.

"Not even a 'hi'...?"

"None. Nada." Alice huffed. "But it's okay. He's been that way from what I remember during middle school. I told you he's my childhood school mate, didn't I?"

"Oh the one who made cute wooden bunnies and a psycho sadist who destroyed his own creations?"

"Yeah, that's..."

Julius entered the dining at the right moment. The two stared at him, and he paused, trying to progress the fact that Alice _brought someone_ into _his house_. And a punk, no less, judging by the way he suits up. But that's none of his business. He went straight into the kitchen and began to rummage the cabinets, not saying anything.

"That's him," Alice nodded to Julius. "The coffee is in the jar. If you want to grind the beans, they're on the lower cabinets. The Arabica is the middle one. So, Boris, are you going to give me any premium tickets? I really want to try some rides!"

Boris was slowing down a little, irritated that the husband just ignored his best friend. "Suuure..." he dug his pocket and handed a premium membership card. "You can come anytime. I live there, so make sure to visit me."

"Great!" Alice exclaimed, staring at the card in her hands like a kid getting a toy. "I can't wait to visit—Oh, Julius, the grinder is unplugged, so don't bother tapping it."

Boris stared at Alice, impressed. She was always observant, even if she didn't like a person. He was even more irritated when Julius got out of the kitchen, completely ignoring Alice, leaving with a cup of coffee. Alice was talking about the last chapter of Hetaween she'd read.

"...I've been into Ameripan lately, though! Oh God, I can't wait for the new seasons! I might just scream like a fangirl but then again I'm a woman now. This sucks!" she laughed.

Boris laughed, trying to get his mind off how Julius definitely didn't deserve his best friend. "You're a married person, are you still going to be a fujoshi, seriously?"

"What? Can't I love what I love?" Alice smiled, there was a bitterness flickered in her eyes, and Boris' smile was gentle in understanding.

Boris said goodbye and left, expecting her visit soon. Alice began to prepare dinner, and when she was boiling the chicken, she turned down the fire and went to clean up the breakfast tray, asking a servant to keep an eye on the chicken.

"Julius, I'm taking the tray," Alice said, entering his room.

No matter what, he would never talk to her. He was busy carving a larger cuckoo clock with three characters on a porch; a son, mother and father. She smiled, 'aww'ing a little. Julius caught her staring, and she quickly looked away and went to collect the tray.

Alice found it clean. She then began to look around to the trash can.

"Julius, you don't have to throw the food, I can give it to my pets—" Alice fell silent when she found no food in the trashcan.

She turned to Julius, who turned to his work, acting very busy, though the red on his cheeks were visible.

Alice laughed gently and collected the tray, leaving his room.

"Dinner's going to be ready soon!" she announced.

Julius stopped working when his wife left his room. He quietly sighed and stared at the family on the porch of the clock, holding his sledge hammer.

"..."

The family was gone.

Julius twitched and glared at the door.

She did it again!

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**There are going to be fourteen chapters. So each habits have two parts! I passed the job exams~! I hope now I can have more time to write? Anyways, please fave and leave review if you have the time :D**


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